The things they say and do while I am on the phone (insert head shake here)

I swear sometimes my children’s goal in life is to embarrass me beyond belief. If I’m on the phone with someone with church they are sure to be rolling around in some sort of dog like fight on the floor calling each other names. This is while I am pointing my finger silently begging them to stop while mouthing it’s someone from church and please can they act like civilized humans for ten minutes (ten minutes is my allotted amount of time on phone before for lack of a better term the crap hits the fan).

I wish I could say that was the worst thing they do while I’m on the phone far from it. Seriously, sometimes I wonder if my out of state friends thing we have three hound dogs, cars up on blocks, sitting in the back yard in our underware drinking a beer. Let me fill everyone in on a few examples of the things that would leave people under this impression:

On the phone with my friend Emma walks in and says:

Emma: I just told David to never stick his finger in his ear and then put it in his mouth.

Me: Emma how do you know that? (I knew better than to ask, I really did)

Emma: Cause I just tried it and it tastes gross

Example two this time with Leanna and again I was on phone with friend:

Leanna: Mom did you know if you bite your toenails you can choke on them

Me: (I didn’t even want to ask) Yes Leanna, I knew that.

These are the type of conversations that go on in my house day to day. I probably shouldn’t put it out there for the world to view, but in all reality knowing you can choke on toenails may save someones life one day.

These type of things don’t only happen when I’m on the phone either. I was outside just the other day chatting with my neighbor. I was talking about the day I went somewhere for a little while and left David in charge and what does Janelle say? She looks at my neighbor and says yeah, mommy was gone for days and days. This is her answer for any amount of time and thankfully my neighbor knew I wouldn’t leave David in charge that long (I’m scared to leave him babysit for more than a few minutes for fear I may come back and find everyone covered in paint and my house destroyed while he’s consumed by video games). Janelle however has no concept of time and a few minutes is always days and days.

If I ever try to tell a white lie to even a telemarketer by saying I’m busy there is sure to be a child there to say no your not, your just watching TV (why did I teach them not to lie. Yet they do lie but only when it’s to save their own butts). Worse is when the door to door salesman came selling kids books and there they all were screaming I want books I want book, while I was trying to get rid of him. $500 for books my butt!

In the moment when they say these things I don’t know what to say or how to react, but I admit most times I think back and laugh so hard. Seriously, who can think of a seven year old tasting ear wax and not giggle? I kind of wish I’d seen her face when she did it.

So I guess the point of todays blog is to teach yet another of Newton’s laws. Your children will say things when you least expect it to embarrass you, but in twenty years you’ll long to catch one more glimpse of that childlike innocence when it’s still okay to bite your toenails.

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